There is, to paraphrase Douglas Adams, a long dark tea-time of the soul that comes over me every so often; a feeling that it’s all futile, I am tired of beating my head on walls that refuse to yield, and sneaking around them using strategy isn’t working so well either.
Luckily I am broke most of the time these days and unable to do any real damage to myself. I’m over things like drinking a lot anyway; at some point you realize, once you’ve gotten fairly good at it, that drinking to excess is (gasp! shock!) counterproductive. Sure, as Mitch Hedberg used to say, the middle part is amazing, but the end…who wants to wake up wishing it had snowed so they could follow the tracks of the cat that had been using their head for a litterbox? Who wants that deep-rooted alcohol breath that won’t go away no matter how long you brush your teeth or how many gallons of listerine you use?
Drugs? Well, let’s just not go there. There is no drug that is going to fix any part of what is wrong with me. Drugs are the biggest time-wasters ever invented.
I’ve been sort of laying low recently, trying not to spend money, really trying to clear my head and not expect anything. Oh, I’m still throwing out the odd resume’, and I’m actually supposed to have a phone interview soon for a newspaper job…but I’ve been there too many times over the last few years to expect anything to come of it.
So we’re down to simple things. I made myself a really nice baloney sandwich today, with good baloney from the deli at the local supermarket. I recently signed up for a free trial Amazon Prime membership, which comes with a bunch of streaming free online videos, so I’ve been able to watch all of seasons 2, 3 and 4 of “Blackadder,” the brilliant British comedy series, in between classes here at DaveTV.
The bunnies at Bron-Yr-Aur are fat and mostly staying under cover. It’s late evening and I am waiting for a few straggling staffers to leave so I can lock the gates. I have some cashews back at the cottage and will likely throw on a samurai movie when I get back over there.
I still think about Best Girl now and again, and I miss little Rocco and Jojo, the finest of canines. Once I get another job and a place to live where it’s feasible I do intend to get a chihuahua again; maybe even two, so they can keep each other company when I’m at work.
And that’s about the size of it.
The journey is vast, and you cannot be in a hurry. If you are in a hurry you will never be able to move to the other shore. The journey is timeless; great patience is needed, infinite patience is needed. NIRVANA cannot be something instant. –Osho