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Cain isn’t able

Now it's a party!

It’s time once again for the Stupidest Person in the World Awards, and for those of you wondering, yes, the bad English and implicit irony therein is intentional.

Today’s winner: Republican presidential hopeful and pizza magnate Herman Cain.

Herman has expressed public pride in being sort of a dumbass, starting with his ridiculous “9-9-9” tax plan, which would actually raise taxes on the people and businesses he claims he wants to lower taxes on. He’s also stupid for accepting such a plan from an “economist” who turned out to be a bank teller from Kansas.

But that’s not the dumbest part. Even smart politicians fall prey to bad policy decisions; witness Bill Clinton’s signing the Gramm-Leach-Bliley act in 1998–the act that de-regulated commercial banks and led directly to the economic disaster we’re in now.

No, the dumbest part is not anticipating that all those skeletons in your closet–a lesson Bill Clinton learned all to well, by the way–are coming out, and if you tried to have sex with them, they’re coming for your nuts.

Mr. Cain is now awash in a sea of sexual harassment and hush-money allegations. One of the women he is alleged to have harassed and then paid to keep quiet is now represented by Gloria Allred, the uber-attorney known for working the press like a rented mule. Ms. Allred gets her own award, today, for “Best Line About Herman Cain”. Referring to her client’s asking Mr. Cain for help getting a job, Ms. Allred says:

“Mr. Cain instead decided to try to provide her with his idea of a stimulus package.”

That, by the way, only slightly beats the previous Best Line About Herman Cain award, which went to the Rev. Al Sharpton:

“They accused me of voting for Obama just because he was black. I wouldn’t support Herman Cain if he was running against a white guy.”

One of the first steps anybody running for office should take is called “opposition research.” You sit down with a professional researcher and come clean about all your past crap, basically, and then the researcher goes out and sees how much corroboration he or she can dig up and how damaging it will be to your potential campaign.

Candidates who ignore this step always–ALWAYS–wind up getting smacked in the head with it at a bad time.

Herman Cain may well wind up in the White House some day…but only if it’s carrying something guaranteed to arrive in 30 minutes or less. Herman Cain, today’s Stupidest Person In The World! And remember to watch this space for more examples of the lowest common denominator.


About Anechoic

we are always asked to understand the other person's viewpoint no matter how out-dated foolish or obnoxious.


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